Kinds of Friend

[Summary: Note from Littlebang speaker and key member David Holmes on kinds of Friends (kalyanamitta in Pali) in Dhamma]

Things are, indeed, getting a little too quiet on the littlbang horizon and people stop looking if there is nothing new on the site to interest them, so what we need to do is encourage a few more on-going blogs to keep people interested and thinking:

One of the things I say almosy every day to someone is that there are four kinds of friends.

1.There are the kind of friends with whom you dine and drink and joke and talk nonsense and enjoy gossip, in the course of seeking sensual pleasures.
2. There are the kind of friends with whom you make profit for your own or other’s benefit.
3. There are the kind of friends whom you can trust under any circumstances.
4. There are the kind of friends with whom you talk Dhamma and only the benefits of Dhamma.

What kind of friend are you?
And with what kind of friends do you asscoiate?

[ David Holmes Home page is at: ]

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5 Responses to Kinds of Friend

  1. Cittasamvaro says:

    Yes, normally we hang out with people we like rather than people it is good for us to be with. Kalyanamitta (friends on the path) is a vital component of the Way, and one the Buddha spoke of often.
    If friends are dragging you out at night, making you spend money (which you will have to work for) then its time to change. We all like to think of ourselves as independent, our own man as it were. But the people we associate with have a huge impact on our lives; more so than most would care to admit.

  2. David Holmes says:

    Please note the correction to my website which is which ends in ‘info’ rather than dot com

  3. Cittasamvaro says:

    Oops, sorry about the link. It is corrected now, but seems to have expired when clicked on. Presumably the site will be back up soon.

  4. David Holmes says:

    Four Kinds of Speech

    I often say to my friends that in the present day there are four ways of speaking:

    First is the kind of talk you hear when people are sitting around eating and drinking where you hear a lot of loud, low, coarse, agressive, abusive and sexually explicit talk, and such like and so on.

    Second, there is the kind of talk when people are gossiping about others and generally complaining that they are not getting what they want because it is someon else’s fault, and so on.

    Third is talk about personalities and celebrities, news and wars and politics and rulers, opression, death and destruction and so on.

    Fourth is talk of the Dhamma and the benefits of the practice.

    How do you usually talk?
    With whom do you usually talk?

  5. David Holmes says:

    Four Kinds of Actions

    I often remind myself that there are four kinds of actions:

    First, there are actions of self-nourishment of self-indulgence in which we are only seeking to satitsfy personal needs like grasping for love and attention for fame and name and greed and fortune followed by the fulfillment of physical-sensual and sexual satisfaction in an ever-repetive cyclical progression.

    Second, there are actions we perform for the need of profit, either for the sake of satisfying worldly needs such as those outlined above or, alternatively, and more importantly for profit in the honing and development of individual understanding, knowledge and wisdom and purity and stability and peace of mind.

    Third, there are the kind of wise actions which bring not only financially and mentally profiable results to ourselves but which also allow us to work towards the wider benefit and profit of others, not so fortunate as us who are close to us or in the wider comminity or even in the the wider world.

    Fourth, there is the kind of internally-focussed and concentrated action which is solely and energetically concentrated on the path of purification, which clears and refines the develpoment of the mind on the path, to the point where the mind is ultimately liberated of impurities.

    What are your habitual actions?
    What are the habitual actions of your friends?

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